IFX Mail Archive: IFX> FW: AD comments on draft-ietf-fax-ga

IFX Mail Archive: IFX> FW: AD comments on draft-ietf-fax-ga

IFX> FW: AD comments on draft-ietf-fax-gateway-protocol-06.txt and dr aft-ietf-fax-gateway-options-04.txt

From: McDonald, Ira (imcdonald@sharplabs.com)
Date: Tue Mar 19 2002 - 15:42:48 EST

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    -----Original Message-----
    From: ned.freed@mrochek.com [mailto:ned.freed@mrochek.com]
    Sent: Monday, March 18, 2002 7:54 PM
    To: ietf-fax@imc.org
    Cc: paf@cisco.com; ned.freed@mrochek.com
    Subject: AD comments on draft-ietf-fax-gateway-protocol-06.txt and
    draft-ietf-fax-gateway-options-04.txt

    My notes indicate I asked for a last call on these back in November, but it
    appears to have gotten lost (quite probably my fault).

    I'm actually glad this happened, however, since it gave me a chance to
    review
    this again. And I have number of things that need to be fixed.

    Comments on draft-ietf-fax-gateway-protocol-06.txt

    First the easy stuff; all formatting nits of one sort or another:

    The last two paragraphs of the Abstract need to be pulled out into separate
    sections, e.g. "Requirements notation" and "Notice of Intellectual Property
    Claims". These should appear after the introduction.

    There appear to be a large number of blank lines separating paragraphs
    missing
    throughout the document:

      Between lines 4-5 of the Abstract
      Between lines 3-4 and 8-9 of Introduction
      Between lines 2-3, 5-6, and 8-9 of section 2
      Between lines 4-5 of section 3.1
      Between lines 4-5 of section 4.1
      Between lines 2-3 of section 4.2.1
      Between the last couple of lines of section 4.2.1
      Between lines 4-5 of section 4.2.2
      Between lines 3-4 and 5-6 of section 4.2.3
      Between lines 3-4, 5-6 of section 4.3
      Between lines 3-4, 7-8 of section 5

    Some of these may actually need to be merged into a single paragraph.
    Regardless, the formatting is halfway between separate paragraphs and single
    paragraphs now, and that's wrong.

    The references in this document need to be separated into normative and
    informative groups, per recent RFC Editor requirements.

    And now for the major item. The security considerations section ends with:

      Further security considerations are introduced by this document, but
      they will be described in this section prior to pulication as an RFC.
       
    It is obvious this is problematic, and why. Please fix.

    Comments on draft-ietf-fax-gateway-options-04.txt

    This document uses RFC 2119 requirements notation even though it is only
    informational. In some cases this is OK, however, in this case I find the
    use
    of requirements notation in the context of a list of independent optional
    capabilities quite confusing. I therefore suggest that the reference to RFC
    2119 be dropped and the use of capitalized words removed.

    This document has the same problem with the abstract that the previous
    gateway document did -- the IPR notice needs to be moved to a section of its
    own after the introduction.

    There is a similar lack of appropriate paragraph breaks in this document.
    This
    time it happens in section 1, section 2.5, section 2.6, and section 4. Some
    merging of paragraphs may be even more appropriate here instead of having
    all
    the isolated sentences.

    The first paragraph of section 2.1 doesn't make sense and needs to be
    reworded.
    Unfortunately I cannot suggest alternative words since I'm not clear on what
    it
    actually should say. There are various other grammar, but none so serious as
    this.

                                    Ned



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